Why do introverts hate small talk?
It is no secret that introverts enjoy their own company and draws their energy by being alone with their own thoughts. While being alone is nice because it helps you to get to know yourself better, there are instances when you long for the comfort of talking to somebody else aside from yourself.
For a better understanding of how introverts make friends, it’s vital that you need to know why introverts hate small talks in the first place. Here are the following reasons why:
Introverts are mindful
The first reason why you don’t see a lot of introverts making friends at parties is that we are very mindful. Being alone allows you to practice self-awareness. When one is talking to you, your mind drifts to different places, analyzing each of your words, action, and thought. As introverts, we are aware of how our words and our actions affect the people surrounding us.
In this case, at social interaction, we introverts are self-critical. We spend hours mulling over something we said or should’ve spoken to someone who is long gone.
This is why you don’t see many introverts making friends everywhere. We find it draining to be constantly talking and smiling with other people while we are worrying deep inside. And the self-critical attitude also distracts us from actually making friends, and as a result, we don’t enjoy parties as much as others do.
Introverts are socially-awkward
It’s hard to be put in a situation where we don’t know what to do, especially meeting people for the first time. This is why, as introverts, we always feel shy and awkward. Sometimes, we don’t know what to say to someone who we’ve met for the very first time. Minds of the introverts often go blank when coming up face to face with someone from somewhere we don’t know. This is the second reason why we find it so draining to be having small talks with someone new.Introverts can sense other people’s moods
Another reason why you don’t see a lot of introverts meeting new people is that we can easily sense other people’s moods. Being in a crowd, surrounded by a sea of strangers, sensing other people’s moods can be overwhelming. We tend to distance ourselves when we sense that the person is upset or not in the mood. Socializing with other people and unconsciously trying to decipher their moods, the meaning of their gestures, actions, and words can be so tiring. This is one of the biggest reasons why it’s very rare for an introvert making friends in a social gathering event.How to connect with people if you are an introvert?
Don’t worry if you are an introvert like us. While it may be hard to gain new friends because of how mindful you are with your surroundings, few helpful methods can help you in meeting new people and gaining new friends.
Don’t pressure yourself
The first step to meeting new friends is to rid yourself of the pressure that’s stopping you from being meeting someone you’d like to spend your time with. Some extroverts wouldn’t mind spending their entire week talking to someone new and hanging out with different people. Know that you are different from them, and it’s okay if you can’t do what they can. Avoiding social burnout is the key to feeling comfortable around new people. Start by meeting new people who share the same interest with you once in a while. If you think that you need to retreat to have some “me” time, then do so. You only have to meet new people in your area when you feel ready to do so. Otherwise, spend some time alone and reserve your energy for people who understand you.
Know the people you’d want to spend time with
Another helpful tip on how introverts make friends is to know precisely the type of people you’d want to spend time with.
The social stigma that you need to spend time with famous and fun people to be considered a social person should be abolished. Some introverts want to spend time with their fellow introverts.
It’s time you narrow down your choices. What type of people do you want to spend your precious time with? Sometimes, hanging out with cool, low-key people can give you the best experience of life instead of attending glamor parties with fancy people.
Start by listing down the qualities of someone you can imagine yourself talking to for hours. In that way, when you are on a social gathering event, you can categorize people. It will help you to know who to avoid and who to approach. This will help you to avoid wasting your time and energy, talking to someone who makes you uncomfortable.
Consider the people you already know
Sometimes, you need to step back and consider the people that you already know. The next best person in your life could be someone who you see in the café now and then or that girl who sits next to you in your biology class. The point is, there’s no need to go to every nearest party in your area to gain new friends. Consider the people you already know and think about getting to know them better. It will save you from the awkward first meeting with new people and give you a chance to deepen your friendship with your colleagues.Make the first move
As an introvert, we tend to wait for other people to make the first move and talk to us. It’s because of the fear of being rejected by someone you are interested in talking to is overwhelming. Hence, you should consider making the first move. Don’t be afraid to say hi. You will never know if that person is also waiting for you to approach them and wanted to talk to you, too. If you are rejected, you may feel discouraged and retreat for a while. After some time catching up with yourself and having your energy back, get rid of the self-doubt and gather the courage to try and talk to a new person again. Being passive and radiating negative energy will most like to steer people away from you. Positive thoughts can help you to attract new people in your life.Don’t be someone else
Being yourself is the best way to gain new friends. Don’t be someone else you don’t like. Just because a lot of people like a bubbly personality doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to be one. Aside from that, it can be draining to be pretending someone that isn’t you. Show people the real you. It will be easier to make friends and be comfortable with them if you aren’t hiding anything or showing your true self. Peel off the mask and let the world see the best version of you.Don’t be afraid to ask questions
When you meet new people, it might help to ask a few questions, especially queries that might interest them. Albeit you have to tell them a little about yourself, eventually, you’ll want them to be comfortable with you and talk about themselves as well. Talking with people who share the same interest with you can help you to ask the right questions. Studies have shown that people are most likely to talk to someone who shows interest in them. Be interested, and don’t fake your attention. Faking your interest will get you nowhere, and it might even offend the new person that you are talking once they sense your insincerity.Pay attention to how you feel
As much as you want to pour your attention with them, it is also important to notice how you feel. Do you feel vibrant or satisfied after talking with them? Do you feel comfortable talking to them? Are you looking forward to a new meeting with them in the future? If yes, then it’s a good sign that you are starting to gain a new friend. But if that person seems to drain your energy or if you feel exhausted after being around with them, it’s time to back away and retreat to your own zone. As an introvert, it can be challenging to find someone who isn’t exhausting to be around with. But with effort, eventually, you’ll be with someone that will make you feel good about yourself and comfortable.Keep hanging out with them
If you decide that this particular person is cool to be around with, you shouldn’t cut the connection between the two of you. Just because you had a good time together once, doesn’t mean that you aren’t granted to create new memories with them again. Hit them up on the phone, ask what they’re doing, and if both of you are free, then you should consider doing something you both love. As an introvert, you may be hesitating to show them your idiosyncrasies, your quirks, and your unusual talent. Always remember that the phase of awkwardness will eventually go away. And with that is the comfort of finding a new friend who will ‘get’ you and understand that you are special in your own way.Start joining social gathering events
Some companies will arrange a social-gathering event for introverts like you. If, after scrolling up your contacts and discovering that there is no one you’d like to get to know more, you should consider attending a social gathering event. Try your luck with meeting new people, and remember that confidence is the key. Wear that outfit that screams your own unique personality. Say what you want and be nice to someone who is being friendly around you. Don’t be afraid to start a conversation. Smile and enjoy it. There are so many interesting people out there who might like the same band that you are crazy about. You just need to step out of your comfort zone and give socializing a try.Conclusion
Being an introvert can be very challenging, especially if you live in busy cities where networking becomes a vital tool for success. If you want to practice your communication and people skills, locking yourself up inside your room and watching TV series will do you no good.
Step out and let be known. But take it one step at a time. There’s no need to rush. There are companies and organizations that are willing to help you unleash the inner friendly self in you. All you need to do is take the leap of faith.
There would be rejections, social anxiety, and sometimes, negative thoughts that are bugging you. But don’t lose hope of making new friends. Sometimes, the quietest people in the room have the loudest minds. You just have to find the right person for you.
If you are interested in the nearest social parties in your area, there are certain organizations such as Outist that can help you meet your next potential friend.
Match with people nearby and discover local events based on similar interests. Make friends and keep meetups near you safe by leaving references.
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